Cross cultural relationships
I came across a brilliant ad the other day. Depicting the story of a young Chinese boy, Tan Hong Ming, in love with a Malay girl. This got me thinking about writing an entry about cross-cultural relationships.
I have a number of friends involved in a relationship with someone of a different culture. This is becoming increasingly common in Auckland, where 1 in 4 residents was born overseas. There are many reasons why people choose to go out with someone of a different culture. When I’m in my “un-PC” mode, I start asking friends how they feel about going out with someone from a different cultural background. I’m curious. I sometimes wonder how people talk with one another if they have significant language barriers. A relationship with someone who speaks the same language is challenging enough, let alone one with someone who doesn’t. As it is, there are already two major languages one would have to learn in a relationship. The language of the other gender (yes means no, no means maybe, maybe means yes etc) and the love language (service, words, gifts, touch, time) of your partner.
Coupled with the cultural and linguistic differences, I can imagine it would be pretty difficult. I’ve never gone out with a girl who’s not Chinese, so I can’t speak from personal experience.
At one point, every one of my colleagues at work had a Kiwi partner (some of you know that Euroasia staff tend to be foreign-born because of the business we’re in). So periodically we get talking about how this came to be. I’ve also dealt with clients who would go to great lengths to learn the language of their partner. (Banana in a Nutshell is my recommended film on this topic).
Now that I’ve justified my lack of formal qualifications in sociology/psychology 
, let me share some personal observations on this matter:
- Asian girls are more likely to go out with Kiwi guys than the other way round. Of 10 Asian-Kiwi relationships I see, probably 9 would be Asian girl-Kiwi guy;
- Continental European girls are also more likely to go out with Kiwi guys than the other way round; but less so than Asian girls;
- Kiwi girls say they prefer foreign-born men because they tend to be more sophisticated, gentlemanly, understanding, romantic, ambitious etc;
- Kiwi guys say they prefer foreign-born girls because they tend to be more feminine, demure (Asian), self-aware (European), respectful, easy to please;
- Asian + European girls say they prefer Kiwi guys because they are less chauvinistic, easygoing, adventurous and treat girls well;
- I’ve had few discussions with Asian guys with Kiwi partners, so can’t say for sure what they think;
- Despite the many complaints I hear from foreign-born girls about Kiwi guys being sloppy and carefree, these foreign-born girls have also chosen to be with a Kiwi guy!
- Girls outnumber guys in New Zealand, especially in the major cities Auckland, Wellington, Christchurch, and Kiwi guys going for foreign girls don’t help! (not that government can regulate this)
- The people involved in cross-cultural relationships come from all walks of life, they are not necessarily the most liberal or widely-travelled, contrary to popular belief.
Lest I be accused of perpetuating stereotypes and advancing ethnocentrism, let me say ultimately, every one of us is unique, and I’ve met many people who do not fit the stereotype.
My conclusion thus far? Love is colour blind 
What are your thoughts?
ooooh that is soooo cute….the boy’s the cutest…..now if only it was me in her place…. :-/
of course we all should be colour blind
Perhaps someone can tell me what that last sentence say.
But this is sooooo cute!
Yes ah, cross-cultural relationships… I had one of those before. And probably still have those because of the nature of my work and the people I meet.
Of course we should all be colour blind – it shouldn’t be the reasons why we fall in love eh?
I have always wondered what we could learn about living in a culturally diverse society from people in intercultural relationships….its a great thesis topic if anyone out there wants to do it!
I, myself, am married to a person from a very different culture, who speaks a different language and is of a different religion. I would have to agree, love is colour-blind……….
Bevan: Last sentence says “Selamat Menyambut Hari Kemerdekaan” which means Happy Independence Day in Malay. This TVC was broadcast in Malaysia, I guess some would’ve figured that out seeing it’s sponsored by Petronas.
If you do end up with a gwailo it would fit with my observations
Hi Ken…..If it weren’t for the fact it was Petronas that sponsored that clip and that it was a Malaysian TV channel that broadcast it, I would have been impressed by the message in it. Being a Chinese called Tan Hong Ming, the young bloke is likely to be a non-Muslim. Whatever the girl or her parents may privately profess, Malaysian authorities would deem her as a Muslim. A cross-cultural relationship between that boy and that girl in Malaysia would never be formalised unless he converts to Islam, which would also require him to change his name. If, for any reason, the Malay girl was not a Muslim and young Hong Ming was, then she would be frog-marched before a Syariah (Islamic religious) court and be given three chances to convert to Islam. In the process, she would be incarcerated in detention facilities where the ruling of the Syariah would be enforced. You might like to Google up the fate of Lina Joy. Lina is a Malay Catholic who wants to enter into a cross cultural marriage with a fellow Christian, but the Malaysian authorities have told her that she is a Muslim. “Selamat Menyambut Hari Kemerdekaan” indeed!
aww…Chris… you party-pooper
Yes I’m aware of the issues you raised re: marriages between Muslims and non-Muslims in Malaysia. This is a very contentious issue, and made more complicated by significant religious and cultural diversity in a secular nation with Islam as the “official religion”, and religious freedom that’s supposedly guaranteed constitutionally.
Cross-cultural is the way to go! Think of all those cute babies they’ll be producing. But the communication styles can be a challenge, even if you both speak english but come from different countries.
Love is not Color blind!!!!!!!!!!!!!! you say out of 10 one interracial couple is of Asian male with a Kiwi female, are women not suppose to have more love? Are you an Asian male Ken? If so how could you not see how unjustified this is? I’m sorry but I feel that Asian men have been left out almost completely, it’s no longer Eastern or Western now the world is coming closer but it seems that we Asian men are being left out, left out of everything from Media to Fashion to music even Jobs which we are more than capable of but are not receiving simply because we are of Asian male form.
David, good point.
Whether it’s justified that 1 out of 10 Asian-Kiwi cross-cultural relationships is Asian girl-Kiwi guy is not up to me to say.
However, I would agree that Asian men are quite justified in feeling left out. We now need to do something about it…