Euroasia: Language, Culture and Travel

I had a look at our blog stats and surprisingly, one of the posts driving the most traffic from google searches was one I wrote in May 2008 on cross-cultural relationships, exploring some of the reasons why and how cross-cultural relationships happen. It seems a lot of people are interested in the reasons why in most of the cross-cultural relationships, the guy is typically Kiwi and the girl is typically a foreigner, mostly Asian. So the real question is why do Asian girls date Kiwi guys but Kiwi girls rarely date Asian guys?

I found some really funny videos on youtube.com addressing this very topic.

A funny video made by a Chinese guy talking to his Caucasian friend about the reasons Asian girls prefer white guys. Not very scientific but good humour value.

This is another video from a white girl’s perspective. She has real life experience going out with an Asian guy. She addresses some common myths about cross-cultural relationships, and share some of her personal reasons why she prefers Asian guys (eg. she doesn’t like hairy men). Perhaps one comment that stood out is that she thinks Asian guys should be more confident. If an Asian guy thinks that there’s not going to be chemistry with a white girl, then you’re setting yourself up for failure. The key is to just give it a shot.

She seems serious but it’s pretty funny.

This one is more representative. The interviewer actually went out and asked some Asian girls as to why they prefer to go out with white guys. I guess the saving grace for Asian guys is that in response to the question “When it comes to a serious long term relationship, you would give Asian guys a chance?”, all the Asian girls said yes. Phew…. and I can hear all those single Asian men heave a sigh of relief.

I realised that one sure-fire way of generating traffic to one’s blog is to talk about relationships. Cross-cultural relationships is certainly a hot topic. In fact some random Russian blog picked up my previous post and translated my points into Russian. Pity I can’t read Russian, but using Google translator, I figured this was the case.

Still on the topic of building cross-cultural relationships, some people are of the opinion that social groups that are prejudiced towards each other only need mix together in order to reduce this prejudice. I hear this all the time. And this logic drives a lot of official initiatives to promote opportunities for different cultural groups to mix together.

It would be great if it were that simple, but unfortunately contact is not enough.

It is necessary that both groups have equal status, have personal interaction, engage in cooperative activities to achieve collective goals, and it should be considered the norm for the groups to interact.

Source: Aronson, E., Blaney, N., Stephan, C., Sikes, J., & Snapp, M. (1978). The jigsaw classroom. Beverly Hills, CA: Sage.

This winter, you can witness the power of the collective vision by simply visiting a local sports bar on a night when the All Blacks plays Australia. When the All Blacks wins the game everyone is congratulating and hugging one another. I’ve witnessed this scene numerous times at different places.

It’s one of those rare occasions where no one cares what your colour, creed or race is.  All that matters is that you’re wearing black.

I came across a brilliant ad the other day. Depicting the story of a young Chinese boy, Tan Hong Ming, in love with a Malay girl. This got me thinking about writing an entry about cross-cultural relationships.

I have a number of friends involved in a relationship with someone of a different culture. This is becoming increasingly common in Auckland, where 1 in 4 residents was born overseas. There are many reasons why people choose to go out with someone of a different culture. When I’m in my “un-PC” mode, I start asking friends how they feel about going out with someone from a different cultural background. I’m curious. I sometimes wonder how people talk with one another if they have significant language barriers. A relationship with someone who speaks the same language is challenging enough, let alone one with someone who doesn’t. As it is, there are already two major languages one would have to learn in a relationship. The language of the other gender (yes means no, no means maybe, maybe means yes etc) and the love language (service, words, gifts, touch, time) of your partner.

Coupled with the cultural and linguistic differences, I can imagine it would be pretty difficult. I’ve never gone out with a girl who’s not Chinese, so I can’t speak from personal experience.

At one point, every one of my colleagues at work had a Kiwi partner (some of you know that Euroasia staff tend to be foreign-born because of the business we’re in). So periodically we get talking about how this came to be. I’ve also dealt with clients who would go to great lengths to learn the language of their partner. (Banana in a Nutshell is my recommended film on this topic).

Now that I’ve justified my lack of formal qualifications in sociology/psychology , let me share some personal observations on this matter:

• Asian girls are more likely to go out with Kiwi guys than the other way round. Of 10 Asian-Kiwi relationships I see, probably 9 would be Asian girl-Kiwi guy;
• Continental European girls are also more likely to go out with Kiwi guys than the other way round; but less so than Asian girls;
• Kiwi girls say they prefer foreign-born men because they tend to be more sophisticated, gentlemanly, understanding, romantic, ambitious etc;
• Kiwi guys say they prefer foreign-born girls because they tend to be more feminine, demure (Asian), self-aware (European), respectful, easy to please;
• Asian + European girls say they prefer Kiwi guys because they are less chauvinistic, easygoing, adventurous and treat girls well;
• I’ve had few discussions with Asian guys with Kiwi partners, so can’t say for sure what they think;
• Despite the many complaints I hear from foreign-born girls about Kiwi guys being sloppy and carefree, these foreign-born girls have also chosen to be with a Kiwi guy!
• Girls outnumber guys in New Zealand, especially in the major cities Auckland, Wellington, Christchurch, and Kiwi guys going for foreign girls don’t help! (not that government can regulate this)
• The people involved in cross-cultural relationships come from all walks of life, they are not necessarily the most liberal or widely-travelled, contrary to popular belief.

Lest I be accused of perpetuating stereotypes and advancing ethnocentrism, let me say ultimately, every one of us is unique, and I’ve met many people who do not fit the stereotype.

My conclusion thus far? Love is colour blind

What are your thoughts?