Euroasia: Language, Culture and Travel

I came across a brilliant ad the other day. Depicting the story of a young Chinese boy, Tan Hong Ming, in love with a Malay girl. This got me thinking about writing an entry about cross-cultural relationships.

I have a number of friends involved in a relationship with someone of a different culture. This is becoming increasingly common in Auckland, where 1 in 4 residents was born overseas. There are many reasons why people choose to go out with someone of a different culture. When I’m in my “un-PC” mode, I start asking friends how they feel about going out with someone from a different cultural background. I’m curious. I sometimes wonder how people talk with one another if they have significant language barriers. A relationship with someone who speaks the same language is challenging enough, let alone one with someone who doesn’t. As it is, there are already two major languages one would have to learn in a relationship. The language of the other gender (yes means no, no means maybe, maybe means yes etc) and the love language (service, words, gifts, touch, time) of your partner.

Coupled with the cultural and linguistic differences, I can imagine it would be pretty difficult. I’ve never gone out with a girl who’s not Chinese, so I can’t speak from personal experience.

At one point, every one of my colleagues at work had a Kiwi partner (some of you know that Euroasia staff tend to be foreign-born because of the business we’re in). So periodically we get talking about how this came to be. I’ve also dealt with clients who would go to great lengths to learn the language of their partner. (Banana in a Nutshell is my recommended film on this topic).

Now that I’ve justified my lack of formal qualifications in sociology/psychology , let me share some personal observations on this matter:

• Asian girls are more likely to go out with Kiwi guys than the other way round. Of 10 Asian-Kiwi relationships I see, probably 9 would be Asian girl-Kiwi guy;
• Continental European girls are also more likely to go out with Kiwi guys than the other way round; but less so than Asian girls;
• Kiwi girls say they prefer foreign-born men because they tend to be more sophisticated, gentlemanly, understanding, romantic, ambitious etc;
• Kiwi guys say they prefer foreign-born girls because they tend to be more feminine, demure (Asian), self-aware (European), respectful, easy to please;
• Asian + European girls say they prefer Kiwi guys because they are less chauvinistic, easygoing, adventurous and treat girls well;
• I’ve had few discussions with Asian guys with Kiwi partners, so can’t say for sure what they think;
• Despite the many complaints I hear from foreign-born girls about Kiwi guys being sloppy and carefree, these foreign-born girls have also chosen to be with a Kiwi guy!
• Girls outnumber guys in New Zealand, especially in the major cities Auckland, Wellington, Christchurch, and Kiwi guys going for foreign girls don’t help! (not that government can regulate this)
• The people involved in cross-cultural relationships come from all walks of life, they are not necessarily the most liberal or widely-travelled, contrary to popular belief.

Lest I be accused of perpetuating stereotypes and advancing ethnocentrism, let me say ultimately, every one of us is unique, and I’ve met many people who do not fit the stereotype.

My conclusion thus far? Love is colour blind

What are your thoughts?